Making Amends: The Path to Healing Relationships
When we think about recovery, we often focus on personal healing. But true recovery involves repairing the relationships we’ve damaged along the way. Step 8 in the recovery process challenges us to make a list of all persons we’ve harmed and become willing to make amends to them all.
This principle isn’t just about recovery—it’s a biblical concept found in Luke 6:31: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
What Does Making Amends Really Mean?
Making amends goes beyond simply saying “I’m sorry.” It’s about acknowledging the harm we’ve caused, taking responsibility for our actions, and doing what we can to make things right. It’s about restoration and healing—both for ourselves and for those we’ve hurt.
When God makes things right with us through Jesus Christ, He gives us a perfect example of what making amends looks like. Jesus came, died, and rose again to restore our relationship with God. He made the ultimate amends on our behalf.
Why Do We Resist Making Amends?
Like the Israelites in the desert after the Exodus, we can be stubborn and resistant to God’s direction. The Israelites grumbled about everything, even though God provided for them daily with manna. They were problematic and difficult, much like we can be when faced with the challenging task of making amends.
God is calling us not to be like them. He wants us to be people who seek to make things right with others, just as He has made things right with us.
A Real-Life Example of Making Amends
Teresa shared her powerful story of making amends with her family, particularly her mother. As a recovering addict, she acknowledged that she had hurt her family deeply:
“I wasn’t there for them. I was high all the time. There were times I told my daughter I was going to come over and I didn’t make it… I missed out on my grandson’s birth. I missed out on my son’s wedding.”
Her children had to establish boundaries to protect themselves, which ultimately helped Teresa realize she needed to change. Her mother, however, never stopped loving her unconditionally.
In a vulnerable moment, Teresa publicly apologized to her mother:
“Mom, I’m sorry you had to spend so many nights praying that I would stop using drugs. I’m sorry that I stole your pills when I needed to not be sick. I’m sorry that I put you in positions that no child should put their mom in.”
Her mother’s response was equally moving: “We spent many hours talking and praying that she would get off meth. It was hard, but I knew my God could work miracles. And He did. It may have taken a lot longer than I wanted, but God has His timing.”
How Do Negative Thought Patterns Affect Our Ability to Make Amends?
Teresa also discussed how negative thought patterns can hinder our ability to make amends and heal relationships. She noted that 70-80% of our 12,000-60,000 daily thoughts are negative.
“When we think negative thoughts about another person, sometimes they are automatic, but we’re almost projecting onto them something that we don’t even know if that’s what they’re going through,” she explained.
She referenced Philippians 4:8: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.”
By changing our thought patterns, we can change how we view others and ourselves, making the amends process more genuine and effective.
God’s Good Plans for Your Life
Despite our past mistakes and the harm we’ve caused, God has good plans for us. Teresa’s life is a testament to this truth:
“I went from being homeless, addicted to drugs, to this point where I am today. This is only because of God. I am sober, in recovery, with my family surrounding me, a good job, and now I’m buying my first home.”
The Bible repeatedly affirms God’s good plans for us in verses like Jeremiah 29:11, Proverbs 19:21, and Romans 8:28. As Teresa put it, “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it’s the Lord’s plans that prevail.”
Life Application
Making amends is a crucial step in your recovery journey. Here are some practical ways to apply this principle in your life this week:
- Make a list of people you’ve harmed through your actions or inactions.
- Pray for the willingness to make amends to each person on your list.
- Start with one person this week. Plan how you will approach them and what you will say.
- Remember that making amends isn’t about receiving forgiveness—it’s about taking responsibility for your actions.
- Be patient with yourself and others during this process. Healing takes time.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Who have I harmed that I’ve been avoiding making amends with?
- What fears are holding me back from making these amends?
- How might my negative thought patterns be affecting my relationships?
- Do I truly believe that God has good plans for my life, despite my past mistakes?
- How can I better reflect God’s grace and forgiveness in my relationships?
Remember, just as God made things right with you through Jesus Christ, He can empower you to make things right with others. The process may be difficult, but the freedom and healing that come from making amends are worth it.
